thoughts within me

Archive for October 2016

The pain of despair only grows,
as you carry it as a reminder.
You feel you’re forever disgraced,
and don’t deserve any better.

You drown yourself deep enough,
to be deafened and blinded.
Because you feel there’s no one,
in whom you could have confided.

You’re so used to darkness by now,
that stepping out into light hurts,
You’ve tried and given up, many times,
that you’ve decided it will never work.

But you do look at those who walk,
and laugh and dance in the light,
and somewhere that desire stirs up,
and you hope, what if it just might!

When you feel that desire grow strong,
and you’re ready to give it your best,
step outside, keep walking, don’t stop,
we’ll be waiting to welcome you back.

He never wanted to be a father,
but he got married following the customs,
and intoxicated by lust, produced a baby boy.

He never wanted to be attached to his family,
yet everyday he felt sinking deeper,
into his unconditional love and affection for them.

He never wanted his son to join the army,
but didn’t stop him after witnessing,
his valor, love and pride for his motherland.

He never wanted his son, his only child, to die,
he wanted him to get married and be a father,
but God always seemed to be cruel to him,
yet kind to all other Indians his boy died protecting.

I look behind me, over my shoulder,
at the distant speck I can hardly see,
from where I’ve come so far,
always kept my head low and obliged,
sneaked through the gaps I could,
naively avoided life’s scars.

But when I raise my head up and look,
at the war zone, the gun-firings and the fallen,
my eyes stare in horror at what I see,
at what I always believed to be fantasy.

Up till now my purpose has been to stay safe,
because failure hurts, and leaves a scar.
I’ve always wanted a simple life, a clean score,
never dared to stretch out and ask life for more.

I see scars many people carry,
some shamefully, some proudly,
but they all say the same when asked,
a scar may remain but its pain never lasts.

I dare to raise my head and look up again,
at the war zone, the gun-firings and the fallen,
I stay still behind the wall, few seconds more,
to witness the fallen stir up and ask life for more.