thoughts within me

Archive for February 2014

Its no surprise when,
once again the urge bites me,
and my ego bleeds out my insatiable desire.
Sometimes it doesn’t stop,
and makes me weak.

I am pulled into the flow
while I stand on a slippery terrain,
I try to struggle but in vain.
Eventually I succumb,
only to later feel dumb.

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Often in the silent nights,
I feel your heartbeat,
with my heart…
I know you’re not with me,
and that’s not right,
hey baby,
I am so lonely,
filing this emptiness,
with our memories,

I close my eyes,
and I see you smile
I feel my hands as if I’m holding yours.
I dance around, as if you’re with me,
as we fill this silent night,
with our own symphony!

The leech that sucks out possible success,
and leaves me with temporary relief.
Always lurking around at the back of my mind,
to keep me away,
from anything dangerous looking or new.

Posing as my best pal,
while holding dagger behind it.
Always comes to my rescue,
leaves a scar as a reminder of its debt,
until one day when there is nothing left in life,
to be rescued from.

I feel a certain resistance,
a warning,
of the pain to come,
the pain of the effort to get better,
to take that one step more,
to reach a level higher.

So I begin at a certain beginning,
the initial thrill takes me some distance.
But when the ‘give up’ thought strikes me,
experience tells me I must hang in there.

Pain is just momentary,
and once I cross that threshold,
I will feel the resistance melt away,
and I will be in the zone,
ready to make higher leaps,
take big shots,
and play the big game.

Sometimes its just not enough,
craving for more takes over,
while trying to fill the emptiness,
it starts spilling over the edge,
or falls out from the other side,
and I collapse under the overload.

Sometimes when one thing bothers,
I try to overwrite it with another,
hoping pleasure will absorb the pain,
but both remain,
sharing my emotional space,
and I collapse under the overload.

Sometimes when I have to decide,
my mind goes into overdrive,
trying to find the white in grey,
as more info keeps pouring in,
the time runs out but my mind still races,
while I collapse under the overload.

You can bother me whenever you’re sad,
while maybe wishing for things you never had,
when trying to do good which turns out bad,
when life is upside down, and you’re going mad.

Bothered I will feel, once in a while,
But that will soon subside,
better feelings will gradually reside,
and then listening to you I’ll feel glad.