thoughts within me

Don’t hang up on me !!

Posted on: June 15, 2011

Sitting on a lonely night alone,
and talking with you on the phone,
you’re giggling at my observations,
while I make up the conversation,

All I want to do is talk,
and hear that sweet giggle,
I want to hear you breathe,
I want to hear your voice,
I want to hear you say stuff,
and make some noise,

I want you hooked to the mouthpiece
and held on to the phone,
don’t hang up on me (3),
coz I am alone…

Loneliness doesn’t bother me,
but your voice induces such an ecstasy,
that it brings smile on my face,
a feeling that you’re right next to me…

All I want to do is talk,
and hear that sweet giggle,
I want to hear you breathe,
I want to hear your voice,
I want to hear you say stuff,
and make some noise,

I want you hooked to the mouthpiece
and held on to the phone,
don’t hang up on me (3),
coz I am alone…

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4 Responses to "Don’t hang up on me !!"

great poem! I can definitely see some eric clapton, Elton John inspirations here. Loved that you were faithful to the meters you set in the beginning. If you are still editing the poem, I think you should replace “stuff” with something else. Also, that “but” in 2nd line of 4th stanza is slightly redundant… all in all too good!

thanks πŸ™‚ Made the changes. πŸ™‚

Nice Song!:)

“Loneliness doesn’t bother me,
but your voice induces such an ecstasy”

‘But’ is somewhat inappropriate.

thanks πŸ™‚ Made the changes. πŸ™‚

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